Gabriel Sebastian Pabst

Born 4-22-09 at 2:39am. 8 lbs, 9 oz and 21.5 in. long.

As you know, my water broke at 9:40pm. I called my Dr. and she said to try to rest, eat something, and I could stay at home until I got really uncomfortable if I could still feel Gabe moving. She said if there were no contractions by 2 or 3am to go to the hospital for extra help (pitocin, rupturing the rest of the membranes). Well, contractions started at 10pm, and they were 5 min. apart immediately and uncomfortable. That's when my Dr. originally said to go to the hospital, so Rach came over to stay with Stella, and my mom headed to the hospital with us. I checked in at 11:15pm. I was at 5cm when checked.

My contractions were getting closer together and more intense quickly, but I was going to wait it out until they became more unbearable. We had a thousand lbs of paper work to do, and my nurse asked if I wanted to stop and get things going for an epidural. I thought I could wait until she was done. Well, I had no idea that things would advance so quickly. My contractions were getting less and less bearable, and my nurse could tell, so she stopped and hooked up my IV. I had to become so hydrated before an epidural could be adinistered. Then, she had to call the anesthesiologist who was at home. At that pt, I was getting nauseous from pain and dying for an epidural. Finally he got there, and there was little break in my contractions as I tried to remain still and calm. It wasn't like last time at all. It slowly partially numbed my lower half from toes upward and from left to right. My right groin was not numb for a long time, so I could still feel the contractions in that exact spot. He said as Gabe went downward, that would be less painful. He also clarified that an epidural is meant to take away the sharp pain but leave you able to feel the pressure in order to effectively push. I could still totally move my legs, wiggle my toes, and for SURE feel the pressure. Holy cow. I did vomit several times at that pt. Well, then I was checked, and I was already at 10cm and +2. At my hospital they have no stipulations as to when you can get your epidural, but most doctors won't do it from 8-10cm. So, had I known I was ready to push, maybe I wouldn't have gotten one, but I was so glad to have relief. Gabe came out in 1 push. I just began my first push, and my doctor freaks out like last time and says, "Stop pushing." She didn't even have all of her clothes on for delivery. We were all laughing. Then she just eased him out slowly so that I wouldn't tear. So, there were no tears and no episiotomy - yeah!

I got to snuggle him and nurse him for a long time right away until I asked to find out his measurements out of curiosity. We were so surprised that he was so big and long, especially compared to Stella. But, it has already been a blessing. He is doing excellently with nursing and so far is sleeping and very calm and happy. At this pt, I think he looks like me and my sister, Renee, but with bits and pieces of Joel and Stella. We'll see. He'll change a lot in the near future. So, yesterday and today were very eventful for our family. We praise God for his blessings and protection of all of us. Thanks for your prayers, thoughts, calls, and notes.

Il vient (He's coming)!

Just wanted you to know that my water broke at 9:40pm, and my contractions are 5 min. apart currently, so we're about to head to the hospital. My little sister will be spending the night with Stella and skipping school to watch her. My dad has to be in Appleton tomorrow, so he can't watch Stella all day. My mom's coming with us. It's kind of like a 2 for 1 for Joel, even though Gabe won't be here until tomorrow technically. We'll let you know when he gets here!

Nouvelles fantastiques (Fantastic News)!

Joel got a call today from an SF HR rep that he had previously talked to regarding other interviews/jobs. They played phone tag, and he was able to get in touch with her this afternoon. She offered him the ISS (Internal Sales Support) job he interviewed for 4/3. Around 300 people applied for these 6 jobs. Here's the crazy part though - He's starting May 4 - yes, less than 2 wks away, and no, Gabe hasn't been born yet. So, we have much talking to do with my parents and Joel's parents. I guess we'll take down an initial load of necessities and leave a lot of our stuff here in WI and stay with Joel's parents until we can get into a house. My parents say there's no rush to get all of our stuff out. Adjusting to having a new baby is really the priority and taking care of our family, then comes finding somewhere to live. Why did God do it this way and cut things so close? We have no idea, but we are BEYOND thankful to have Him hear our pleas and bless us. I knew He wouldn't let us down. I just knew it. Thanks to all you wonderful family and friends who have prayed for us and encouraged us in this valley. We love you!

Rendez-vous (Appointment)

We're still here folks at 38 wks, 3 days. I had an appt. this afternoon that was encouraging. My Dr. and I both expressed that we were surprised I was there. Gabe's heartbeat was 128bmp. I'm dilated to 4cm and am 80% effaced. She said his head is way down there. She's really superstitious and won't ever make predictions, but she said we should be seeing each other very soon. I'm supposed to call her when my contractions are 5 min. apart. If my water breaks first, I can wait a little bit at home before going in if he's still active, but I still need to go in fairly early because of the risk of infection and issues that could arise with the cord. Also, I was negative for Strep-B. So, we're getting started on dinner and hoping to get some small things organized and last-minute things ready just in case. I hope to get a good night's sleep before something happens. We'll let you know.

Enceinte de 38 semaines (38 Weeks Pregnant)!

This is the post I never got to make with Stella. I'm kind of surprised to be making it now, especially when my body feels and looks so prepared to give birth. God has His reasons. Gabe has really plumped up. He weighs around 6.8 pounds and is over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek). His brain and nervous system are working better every day. He has a firm grasp, which we'll soon be able to test when we hold his hand for the first time! His organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.

I've had more indications that labor could be near, or they could be purely coincidental. I've felt some nausea for a couple days, which isn't normal for me. Flu-like symptoms are common 24-48 hrs before labor begins. I've also totally been nesting. I've had crazy motivation to get everything tidy and clean. This, too, usually happens 24-48 hrs before labor starts. Also, since I stopped subbing, I've had hardly any noticeable swelling. Not much new to report - just waiting.

Fun fact: Only 5% of women deliver on their due dates.

Pâques et plus (Easter and More)

I would've posted much sooner, but I was going to just add a couple Easter pics to my 38 wks post later this week. However, I'm wondering whether I'll have Gabe before then. Easter weekend was really, really nice. We cooked and baked a ton, which we really enjoy. Thurs. night we baked some banana bread where Stella dumped all the ingredients in and of course was eating flour and such. Joel had a half-day Friday, so I was able to take a little nap before we went to the Good Friday service at our church. We grilled out for the first time, played outside, and had a delicious meal. Saturday we colored Easter eggs with a cool kit. Joel said he hadn't done that since he was 5 or younger. We did it every year, so it's important to me. Stella thought it was neat. While Stella napped, we got everyone's bags packed for when Gabe comes: mine, Joel's, Gabe's, and Stella's, so that is a weight off my shoulders. We were going to all go to the library, but it closed early, so instead we rented a movie. Stella got a free Strawberry Shortcake movie, and she is still saying, "Where Strawberry Shortcake go? Daddy take it away." We then went to my parents' house to check out the wildlife situation. Stella is obsessed with the geese that are always on their lake, but she gets equally excited about all of the seagulls, ducks, birds, and rabbits she sees. Then, we got icecream cones. Sunday we went to our church service at 9am. The worship was really good, and the invitation was amazing. People just kept coming up to the stage. Every time someone came, the whole audience clapped. I bet 50 people committed themselves to Christ. It was so touching. We then got ingredients to make biscuits and gravy and fruit salad for brunch. We had an Easter egg hunt, ate lunch, and later took a walk. It was just a great family weekend, and it was nice to have an intimate time with our 3 person, 1 dog, and 1 fish family before Gabe comes.

It has really felt like a waiting game since last Fri. (37 wks). I'm having more BH contractions and Gabe definitely dropped more. The past couple nights I haven't been sleeping well because I wake up to every sensation wondering if it's my water breaking or contractions starting. It's strange because I didn't experience this anticipation with Stella. Joel thought today would be the day, but I'm thinking he'll be wrong. It would be better for Gabe to wait until Friday (38 wks) so that my Dr. can be there, and he'll have more fat on him to make him control his body temperature and eat and sleep better. Things are just more uncomfortable all around with trying to be active and taking care of Stella. I wish I had none of these stupid lower back and groin pains and pressure. Maybe all subsequent pregnancies are just worse than the first. We'll let you all know if something happens. Otherwise, our next appt is Mon. 4/20 at 38 wks, 3 days.

Enceinte de 37 semaines (37 Weeks Pregnant)!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY RACHEL MARIE! WE LOVE YOU!!

Friday marks 37 wks. Gabe will then be considered full-term. He weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard - click on the link to find the pic - who actually knows what that is? Annalea?). As fat continues to accumulate, his body is becoming rounder. So, if he arrives now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though my due date is still three weeks away. His lungs, now filled with amniotic fluid, are ready to take his first breaths of air. His eyelids flutter open and shut preparing for his first view of Joel and me. Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long.

I had my 36 wks, 5 days appt tonight. I measured at 35 cm (only .5 cm bigger than 2 wks ago), so Gabe isn't getting much bigger and/or is moving down. She said that's great and means he won't be big. His heartbeat was 128-130 bmp. She swabbed for Strep-B and checked me. I'm 2 cm dialated and 50% effaced. She felt his head and said he's down there, but still has some room to drop. Unfortunately, she'll be out of town until 4/17 (38 wks), so if I were to go before then, Gabe will be delivered by whoever's on call. She said I can call her on her cell starting 4/17, and she'll get back into town in time. She was laughing at how bad my swelling is and commented that she can see it in my face some. I still don't feel like I have that swollen pregnant face like many people get, but I definitely noticed (and hated) that my face was looking fuller. My blood pressure is still great, so there isn't anything to be concerned about. She said to lounge around as much as possible and not eat any ham for Easter:) My next appt is Mon. 4/20 if I make it that far.

I remember having swollen feet 1 time with Stella at Thanksgiving, probably from people's salty food. My swelling has been bad recently (for me anyway). Sunday night after getting home from IL, my legs looked like marshmallows, and I was exhausted from driving, not sleeping as well, etc...I've been subbing every day, all day this week, too, so I can't ever put my legs up or lay down on my side until Joel gets home, and even then, there's stuff to do for dinner/Stella/next day prep. I feel weird about just lounging. I hate appearing weak, physically or emotionally. I never want to be a stereotypically pregnant person acting tired, being swollen, waddling. While it's understandable and not very controllable, doing those things makes me feel weak, and doing what's necessary to help those things makes me feel lazy. I did more research on swelling, and as my Dr. said, the lower the baby, the worse it tends to be because the baby is putting more pressure on veins that go into the legs, making it more difficult for liquid to circulate.

Our weekend in IL was fast, but fun. It was great to see a few of my friends from high school, including my friend, Megan, who is due 1 day after me. She has the cutest preggo belly! We also did an Easter egg hunt at Joel's parents, which Stella thoroughly enjoyed. We ate lunch at my Gma and Gpa Phelps' and were able to see some more family. We haven't seen most of the extended fam since Christmas and may not see many of them until we move back to IL this summer. We are staying up north for Easter weekend. We're looking forward to coloring Easter eggs and doing another Easter egg hunt (2 things we ALWAYS did growing up) with Stell-Belle. I'm looking forward to our church service at the Capitol Civic Center. I think we may go out to eat somewhere, too. This will be our first holiday since getting together 10.5 yrs ago not spent with family. Although of course religiously Easter is super important, it isn't a huge ordeal with either of our families, so in that respect, we won't be sad to celebrate alone.

Joel keeps freaking out thinking that Gabe is going to come any day. He says that I'm an overachiever, and that's why (illogical, I know). Mainly, we just need to get the hospital bag packed, and I would still like to continue cleaning. We'll keep ya posted.

Enceinte de 36 semaines (36 Wks Pregnant)!

Holy cow. 36 wks really is getting close. I'm due in 1 month and there's 1 more wk until Gabe is full-term and safe to enter the world. Gabe is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. He now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. Recent fat deposits have rounded out his face, and his powerful sucking muscles are ready for action (let's hope!). He's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered his body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected his skin during his nine-month amniotic bath. He swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, which will form the contents of his first bowel movement.

FYI: Average labor lasts 15 hrs for first-time moms and 8 hrs for subsequent pregnancies. With Stella, my water broke at 10:30pm, and I had her at 1:01pm. I didn't start feeling contractions until midnight, and I got an epidural around 6am. Granted, we let her drift to a +2, which is as far down as she could go, and the whole thing was still 14.5 hrs. Like I said, my Dr. said second labors are usually half as long as the first, so that would make mine 7.25 hrs. FYI part 2: My Dr. said that it was recently proven that being mobile during labor does NOT help progress labor any more than just lying in a bed. It does usually, however, help the mother deal with the pain.

We've been doing a bunch of stuff starting at the end of last week to prepare for Gabe, which makes me excited and feel more prepared. We painted his letters, took off and washed all the covers of Stella's old stuff (car seat, swing, papasan chair, boppy) - she plays with it with her babies, set up the pack n' play w/ bassinet that he'll be sleeping in in our room, brought up a dresser and put it in our room for Gabe's clothes (this is much more convenient than traipsing upstairs for his clothes), bought some more Swaddlers (man, they're tiny!), put car seat bases in the cars, printed off my hospital bag list, etc...That's a start at least. I'm getting sentimental now seeing his bed right next to mine every time I go into my bedroom. We're trying to get our house cleaned up and organized and maintain it, because the last thing we want is to have a dirty/messy house with a newborn. That will only add unneeded stress. Joel and my dad also picked up Stella's mattress/boxspring last weekend, which she has been sleeping on perfectly. She's only on the mattress on her floor for now. We also bought Stella a betta fish named Alpha. He is actually beautiful - blue/turquoise - as are his rocks. If only he would eat his food. We do have a 15-day guarantee on him, so if he commits suicide through starvation, we'll get another one.

I called Joel at work on April Fool's Day and said, "Hey - my water just broke." He was totally calm and believed me. Then I immediately told him I was just kidding because I didn't want him to get his hopes up. I subbed for high school French last Friday, Monday, and Tuesday and will do Monday-Thurs. next week. It went really well. I told the kids: Je suis pour le 2 mai, donc je ne vais pas avoir le bébé ici. Ne vous inquiétez pas! (I'm due May 2, so I'm not going to have the baby here. Don't worry!) They thought that was funny. I'm not planning to take any other jobs after next week because then I'll be 37 wks, and I'm not trying to have my water break during school, even though that only happens in 8% of term pregnancies before labor starts (Wow, I'm a rarity). No, really I want to enjoy the last bit with Stella before Gabe comes and be as rested and ready as possible. We'll actually be in IL this weekend for my friend's baby shower, which will be fun. Hopefully there's no "activity;" that would be bad. I'm still retaining water, no matter what I do. It helps some to lay down for a bit while Stella sleeps and then again at night, but when I'm subbing, I can't. My weight gain is no longer accurate as a result, but I feel ok about how I'm doing considering I work out around 4x/wk and burn over 2000 calories with that alone. I definitely dropped at the beginning of the week. Joel noticed right away, too. My belly button almost doesn't exist; Stella has even noticed that, and I can't see it when I look down because it moved down. I've been having more Braxton-Hick's contractions, too, some of which are pretty painful. I'm interested to see if I've progressed any at my next appt 4/8, although it really isn't indicative of when you'll have your baby, especially with second-time moms. Until then...

Enceinte de 8 mois (8 Months Pregnant)!

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant. Friday marks 35 weeks. Gabe continues to pack on the pounds and store fat all over his body. He doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (like a honeydew melon). The crowded conditions inside my uterus may make it harder for him to punch, but I'll probably feel lots of stretches, rolls and wiggles. Because it's so snug in my womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. My uterus now reaches up under my rib cage. If you could peek inside my womb, you'd see that there's more baby than amniotic fluid in there now. My uterus is crowding my other internal organs, too, making for more discomfort. Gabe's kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

I had an appt. this afternoon. I'm totally retaining fluid in my legs, so I gained more than I wanted. My Dr. said the only way for this not to happen is to not be pregnant anymore. She also said that I need to lay down on my left side when Stella takes a nap and then again in the evening, and that will help. Sitting doesn't help at all. It's a double-edged sword because I want to be active, but that makes water retention worse. I'm measuring perfectly, at 34.5 weeks. Gabe's heartbeat was 139 bmp. She said based on the measurement, she thinks he's going to be healthy-sized, but definitely not big. She said if he's lowering himself into my pelvis, my measurements might not get much bigger. We go back in 2 wks at 36.5 wks, where I'll be tested for B-Strep, and she'll check my dilation and effacement. We went over my birth plan, which she said is all basically her standard practice anyway. I'm still to call her if I'm having contractions every 10 min. for more than an hr. She said they don't really stop labor at 35 wks on though.

I'm feeling impatient for Gabe's arrival, although I know it's important for him to be full term (in 2 wks). With Stella, I was wanting to go to my due date because I had school to take care of, and I wanted to go back for as little time as possible at the end of the yr, so my water breaking at 38 wks took me by surprise. You also always think you'll go to your due date with your first baby for some reason. Now, I don't have work to worry about, though I still have things to do to prepare. I realized yesterday that even though I'm not preparing a room here really for Gabe, there are still some things I want to do for him, which I just didn't think about: making a mobile and painting letters for Gabriel. My mom, Joel, and I went to Hobby Lobby today and bought medium-sized wooden letters and 3 colors of metallic paint. I'm probably just going to paint them solid colors since he's a boy, and his main fabric for his room is busy. We already have a dowel rod cut for the mobile, a cherry stain marker that we never used for Stella, and fishing line. My vision was to find small globes, suitcases, compasses, etc...to hang, but Hobby Lobby had NOTHING. I don't know where else to look in this town, so I may have to think of some other ideas. If I could sew, I could cut out, stuff, and sew 3-d continents using Gabe's fabrics. Let me know if you have other ideas.

Our 3-day weekend in BN was great. The weather was GORGEOUS; Manitowoc's cannot even try to compare yet. There is still snow on the ground folks. It's amazing how much sunlight and some warmth makes my world brighter. We spent lots of time with Joel's parents, Heather, John, and the dogs. Stella got a haircut Fri. am (her 4th) since it had been a yr since her last one. We spent the first half of the day Saturday with Jesse, Annalea, and crew in Champaign, which was great. Sunday morning we also happened to see TJ, Britt, and Chloe at church. We met Sonya in Rockford for dinner on the way home, which was just therapeutic. She really is a member of the family. A huge disappointment about returning to BN is that she won't be there, and that's just not right.

Enceinte de 34 semaines (34 Weeks Pregnant)!

Friday I'll be 34 wks. I'm posting early b/c we're driving to BN Thurs. night for Joel's interview Friday afternoon. I won't give specifics; please pray that God blesses Joel's interview and presentation and that he will get this job. It's a job Joel would be perfect for, challenged by, and love. It would be so good for our family to have job security for him and me and to know when we'll be moving back so we can start planning.

Gabe now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. His fat layers — which will help regulate his body temperature once he's born — are filling him out, making him rounder. His skin is also smoother than ever. His central nervous system is maturing and his lungs are continuing to mature as well. The pasty white coating that protects Gabe's skin — called vernix — gets thicker this week. When he's born, I could see traces of vernix firsthand, especially under the arms, behind the ears and in the groin area. The soft, downy hair that covered him under the vernix for the past few months is now almost completely gone. His muscles are maturing along with the rest of his body. He can hold his head up and turn it from side to side. He'll practice his new found muscle tone by stretching out his arms and kicking his legs. The testes have descended into their proper place. His eyes are now open when awake, and closed when sleeping. Babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

I had Stella 4 wks from this pt. I remember typing her predicted weight and height on my website, which weren't true of her since she was only 18 in. at birth. I wonder where Gabe is with his measurements. The pressure I'm experiencing is crazy this time down below. I've heard many 2nd+ time moms say that with each pregnancy, the baby feels lower and lower and like it's going to fall out. It can just be really uncomfortable. I also don't remember having this kind of lower back pain when getting up and down off the floor, the couch, lifting up Stella a million times a day, etc...My 50-min. elliptical sessions and weightlifting actually seem to make it worse, but I won't be stopping those until I give birth. Being at home with Stella requires more movement, less standing, and a different kind of stress than teaching. I'm still noticing some water retention in my legs mainly. We go back to the Dr. 3/25.

I currently have many pregnant friends/acquaintances, but there are 3 first-timers specifically whose pregnancies I've been following closely via their blogs. It makes me a little sad that I can't really "prepare" the nursery here for Gabe. 1. We have NO idea when we're leaving. 2. We're renting a house, so it just isn't worth it. 3. Gabe's bedding and window treatment probably won't be done for awhile. It was really important for me to have a beautiful place ready for Stella that reflected how beautiful I knew she would be, but Stella didn't even sleep in her crib until 3 months old, we didn't really play in there for several months, we changed her in our room, and we basically just used the glider in there and kept her clothing/supplies there. The downer is that we may have to rent in BN at first as well, so I wonder when we'll actually be able to have a prepared place for Gabe? I guess it really doesn't matter, but it's all part of the ritual and process that is important to me, and I feel that I'm kind of missing out on that.

Stella has really been a challenge this week. It's like she just realized she's 2. She is testing us at all turns, doing things she knows she shouldn't and sometimes asking for a timeout. She did awesome the first wk with her mattress on the floor, but starting Friday, she resisted taking a nap. Before Friday, she would always say things like, "Stella tired. Stella take a nap. Come on. Let's go." As of this weekend, she says, "Stella no take a nap. Go downstairs." Nap time was a big game to her. We were trying every method in the book, and NOTHING was working except putting her mattress back in the crib. That's not a method - that's failure. So, I got the advice of a couple trusted moms (thanks ladies!) who both said spanking was the only thing that worked. Joel and I had never spanked Stella, and both of us had major hesitations about it. We had never seen a reason or felt it appropriate to spank her until this pt. I have always felt that it was a last resort. If timeouts were working, no need to spank. I have just experienced and seen too many children get spanked or worse out of anger. I have a deep sensitivity to anger/violence. It really disturbs me to see people grit their teeth and get violent out of anger. I also never want to spank my kids out of anger or not be in control when disciplining ever. I really have to stay in teacher mode - calm, decisive, consistent, and kind of emotionally detached, as in not taking behavior personally - Well, nap time Tues, I knew it was going to again be a losing battle, so I explained to Stella that it was nap time, what that meant, and if she got out of bed, she would get a spanking, which unless she saw it somewhere else had no idea what that was. After getting up 2 times and receiving 2 swats, she stayed in her bed. She talked and played with her toys for awhile, but eventually fell asleep for a couple hrs. She is understanding the invisible line that surrounds her mattress. And, I did it on my own while remaining completely calm and collected. It could not have possibly hurt her physically, but the shock and severity of it compared to warnings and timeouts just may be effective. Today I reminded her of the rule, and she went to sleep with no problems. We shall see if this fortune continues.

Enceinte de 33 semaines (33 Weeks Pregnant)!

Because I had an appt this afternoon, I'm combining posts. Friday, I'll be 33 weeks. Today I measured at 32.5 cm, and Gabe's heart rate was 130 bmp. My Dr. noticed that I'm retaining water in my legs, even though you can't see it in my feet or ankles at all. We'll go back in 2 wks. This week Gabe weighs a little over 4 pounds (like a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood. His pupils now constrict, dilate and detect light. His lungs are more completely developed. Babies born this week need extra attention, but almost all will be healthy.

Fun fact: The umbilical cord provides the baby with all the nutrients he needs. This strong, twisted cord averages about 20 inches in length but can be up to four feet long. The blood rushing through the umbilical cord travels at around four miles per hour.

Saturday we went on our hospital tour of Aurora Medical Center. I thought this would be beneficial and informative, yet hum drum. OMG! This is the nicest maternity ward I've ever seen! It's ridiculous. The lakefront building is newer and has only private rooms with views of the woods or Lake Michigan. The rooms are humongous, and you labor, deliver, and recover in the same room. No waiting to get a room for hours like last time. The bathrooms are also humongous with double-wide showers I could use during labor. There are family lounges with kitchenettes, a mini-library, free Wifi, etc...They have good infant security, but are very relaxed. There were only 2 rooms taken when we were there and no babies in the nursery, because the babies stay with the parents at all times unless there is an issue. We were planning on having Gabe room in this time anyway. I was told by the nurse that my Dr. is very hands-on during the entire labor/delivery. She even sleeps there on the premises. That is a far cry from my last experience, and my Dr. is so comforting, that will be nice. My mom will also be in the room with us because my dad assured her that he and Rachel could "handle" Stella. Not that I need somewhere posh to have a baby, but it will be nice to have such a comfortable, spacious environment to have and get to know our baby.

I've been waking up pretty tired due to repeatedly waking up at night. Sleeping well continues to get harder. I wake up from my hips hurting, having to go to the bathroom, which is painful due to the pressure on my bladder, my shoulders falling asleep, being sweaty, etc...Because I'm carrying Gabe so low, I feel like I have to pee all of the time. I'm thankful that I'm home with Stella so that I don't have to stand all day or do school work for hrs at night. Also - holy cow is this boy a mover. They say the movements will be more subtle soon due to less room in the uterus, but that hasn't happened yet. He also has the hiccups a lot! Per Stella's fall out of her crib and Gabe's approaching arrival, Stella started sleeping and napping on her mattress on the floor Sat. night. She has had no issues with it at all. She lays down just like she usually does and goes to sleep. I think it really helps that it's the same mattress, sheets, pillow, room, and right next to her crib with her stuffed animals/babies. Stella is becoming even more aware of my belly and Gabe. She says, "Hug Gabe" and "I love you, Gabe" and gives Gabe (my belly) hugs, tickles, and baths in the bathtub. We (I) did a countdown to Gabe's due date project, where Stella gets to pull out the number from a pouch IF she doesn't destroy it before we get to 1 - 52 days (probably fewer) to go. We try to involve her a lot so that it's as smooth a transition as possible.

Enceinte de 32 semaines (32 Weeks Pregnant)!

Stella had a fun bday with Nona, Papa, and the 2 extra dogs. She had fun at the museum and loved her pasta dinner. I added bday pics in the Feb 09 picasa album to the right. Stella picked this "pink cake" in the picture, and Joel made it - strawberry cake with strawberry icing. It was a very casual, small affair with Joel's and my parents, Rach, and us.

Stella had her 2-year appt Tuesday. It was her first official big girl appt. She stood on the scale to be weighed with her clothes on and against the wall to be measured. The stats: 29 lbs (81%), 34 in. (61%), body mass index 17.7 (50%). Everything was great. She's physically and mentally developing as she should. We can now use a little toothpaste on her toothbrush 2x/day, we should encourage potty training even more, like sitting her on it when she gets up, before a bath, and before she goes to bed. We can go to 2% milk and Flintstones vitamins instead of liquid. She had to get a Hep A shot and finger prick for lead testing, since our house is over 50 yrs old. The shots are harder for me as she gets older. She was so cheerful and nice to the techs, and then BAM, they stick her with a needle. She recovered very quickly though. She didn't even cry for the finger prick and 10 min. of smashing her little finger to get the blood out - she just made a sad face and whimpered. She's pretty tough. Then we went to Nama's house and out for Chinese food, so all was forgiven.

Gabe is between 15 and 17 inches long and weighs about 4 pounds (pick up a large jicama), taking up a lot of space in my uterus. I should be gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to the baby. In fact, he'll gain a third to half of his birth weight during the next 7 weeks as he fattens up for survival outside the womb. He now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair. His skin is becoming soft and smooth as he plumps up in preparation for birth. Nearly all babies born at this age survive the challenges of premature birth. The layer of soft, downy hair that has covered his skin for the past few months — known as lanugo — starts to fall off this week.

As space in my uterus becomes more cramped, Gabe's kicks and other movements may seem less forceful. Just like me, he will establish a daily routine of activity and rest. Once he's born, he'll most likely continue with his in-utero pattern. Stella definitely did; it was so cool to realize that shortly after her birth. Along with a routine, Gabe has favorite positions too. He has been head down back out for weeks, which is awesome, and he likes to be more on my right side. I've felt tired during the day and have been having dull, consistent cramps in the evening. My body seems to be preparing itself earlier this time, probably because it has done this once before. I finally broke out the 'ole body pillow Wed night, which made it much easier to go to sleep. We're doing a hospital tour Saturday and will hopefully get Stella a mattress/boxspring. She climbed/fell out of her crib for the first time Wed while I was in the other room for 2 min. She sustained no major injuries, but it is clearly time now to transition. Joel has an interview the week of 3/16, so we'll likely all be making a quick trip down. I'll let you know if anything positive results. I have my next appt 3/11, so I'll post again then. Remember to do the polls on the right if you haven't yet. Interesting so far.

Enceinte de 7 mois (7 Months Pregnant)!

I'm 7 months today, and Friday 2/27 marks 31 wks, but I had my appt. tonight, so I thought I'd combine posts. This week, Gabe measures over 16 inches long. He weighs about 3.3 pounds (like four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. He can turn his head from side to side, and his arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. He's moving a lot, too. His testicles are moving from their location near the kidneys through the groin on their way into the scrotum. His lungs are more developed, but they're not fully mature. If he were born this week, he would probably need a ventilator to assist breathing. Complications such as bleeding in the brain are less likely than they were even a few weeks ago. His skin, which has been wrinkled, now becomes pink and smooth as fat cells fill out his body. His fingernails have grown and he may even need a manicure after he's born. He also now knows my voice.

I gained 1 lb since my last visit, which is good. I always am good about making sure I get the things I need in my diet, but not always good about portions and not adding in stuff I don't need. At this pt, I'm only motivated to try to get some really good stuff and not go crazy. I measured 31.5 cm, which is almost 1 cm ahead. My doc said that's "no big deal." Gabe's heartbeat was 149 bmp after he did some loud movement. We got our preregistration form for the hospital, which again confirms the nearness of it all. We briefly discussed preterm labor, actual labor, how I want to deal with my pain, and her feelings on labor, epidurals and c-sections. Here are some cool things I learned - 1. If my water breaks again at home, as long as Gabe isn't too high up, I can stay at home for awhile and labor there. Otherwise, there's risk of the cord being constricted as he ventures downward. 2. When labor starts, she encourages patients to eat something, b/c it'll potentially be a long battle, and she's cranky when she's hungry:) 3. She is pro-epidural unless I'm 9 cm dialated and asking for it, or it's like a 2 hr labor - she, like me, doesn't see the pt in trying to prove you can deal with the pain. We'll see her again 3/11.

I've been feeling tired this week. I don't know if it's the weather or pregnancy. The middle of my spine has also been hurting, which I remember happening with Stella. Things seem more and more real by the week. I have this fear that Gabe'll take us by surprise and come early, and things won't be ready, like having the car seat installed (now we'll have 2). I know I likely have 6 more weeks at least before I need to have EVERYTHING ready (pack 'n play, car seat, hospital bag packed, etc...) I've been asking my immediate family for guesses about Gabe's arrival and weight, so I included polls for you to do that will be up until he comes. Do it; I'm curious, but people were REALLY wrong last time on both counts. Most seemed to think we'd have a 8-8.5 lb baby born at 39-40 wks. We had a 6 lb. 14 oz. and 18 in. long baby born at 38 wks, which surprised me!

I know I'm a broken record, but PLEASE throw up some prayers for us for encouragement, peace, faith, optimism, hope, and joy!

Stella is 2 yrs old Saturday, February 28! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYKINS!

Enceinte de 30 semaines (30 Weeks Pregnant)

Gabe measures about 17 inches from head to toe and weighs about 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage), which I eat a LOT of steamed:). He'll gain about 1/2 pound a week until week 37. He's growing plumper and beginning to control his own body temperature. A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds him, but that volume will decrease as he gets bigger and takes up more room in my uterus. His eyesight continues to develop, but even after he's born, he'll keep his eyes closed for a good part of the day. When he does open them, he'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision — which means he can only make out objects a few inches from his face. Eyebrows and eyelashes are fully developed, and hair on the head is getting thicker. His head and body are now proportioned like a newborn's. His hands are now fully formed and fingernails are growing. He may practice breathing by moving his diaphragm in a repeating rhythm. If he gets the hiccups, I may feel slight twitches or spasms in my uterus, which is about four inches above my navel. I may feel more discomfort in my pelvis and abdomen now and can expect to gain about a pound a week from now until delivery.

I'm hoping to not quite gain that much, as I'm hoping to stay within the recommended range. Gabe's still moving a ton, and you can see most of it through my stomach, which is pretty cool. Sleeping isn't as comfortable as it was, even with our amazing luxury bed. I am flipping a lot, Hurley's always all over my business, making me sweat, and my non-empty bladder is sometimes painful. My mom and I sorted through all of Stella's smaller clothes and pulled out the gender neutral stuff, along with nursing gear. Luckily I still have a million nursing pads left and some lanolin. I have all of Gabe's newborn through 6 months clothes washed, but we have nowhere to put them yet. We have to go shopping at a furniture store for Stella's new bed and dresser and then transfer stuff. We'll be doing an OB tour in the next few weeks. Now that I only have a couple months left, I'm really getting excited to meet Gabe. This time will be so different - better and worse. Better because I have completely different feelings toward Gabe since I've experienced 2 yrs of motherhood, which changes you completely. Joel and I are much more of a team being parents. I just don't think I'll have the drama and be as overwhelmed this time. Worse because there will be 2 of them, and Stella is not a laid-back girl. Sleeping and resting will be rare, but it will be neat to expand the family and see Stella and Gabe interact. Stella is so loving and nuturing; I think she'll do great overall.

Joel and I started our Marriage Course at our church Monday. It is 8 weeks altogether. We have a candlelit dinner every week, then watch a video lesson with activities interspersed. It's just fun to have our time. We love examining and improving our relationship. It brings us back to a book and wkbk we did for 3 years while dating called Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts. The past few weeks have really brought us closer together, and I believe this small group will as well. Fun:)

Stella's 2nd bday is next weekend, 2/28. Dean and Elena are coming up for it. Saturday, we're going to the Children's Museum in Appleton, then out to eat. Sunday, my fam will join us for lunch, cake, and presents at our house. She has no idea what a bday is, but she knows what cake and presents are! It's amazing what Stella picks up and says. She's saying a lot of 5-6 word sentences, and as a linguist, having studied first and second language acquisition a lot, I'm amazed when she using past participles correctly and tries to apply English language rules to new words. For example, we were reading a new book at the library, and she pointed several times to the people and said, "Look, Mama, those are peoples."

Things are progressing with the move back to BN, but I'll withhold details for now since nothing substantial is known yet. Please keep praying for us in all areas! We REALLY appreciate it.

Nouvelles choquantes (Shocking News)!

As of Friday, I was 29 wks. Gabe now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, I need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. Gabe's bones are fully developed, but they're still soft and pliable. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, I'm sure to get my 4 dairy servings a day. We buy milk like it's going out of style. This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in his hardening skeleton each day. His movements will become more frequent and vigorous. Some of his jabs and punches may even take my breath away, which happened the other day.

I had a dream last night (Thurs) that I had Gabe now, which was good because he was 8 lbs, 1 oz. and 19 in. long. I didn't remember delivering him because I was passed out. He basically looked just like Stella, which Joel thinks will be the case. And, since he was bigger, he really wanted to eat, so we didn't have any nursing issues like with Stella.

Joel and I went out to eat Fri. night and then with Stella's sitter, Jessica, and her husband to their church to watch Fireproof. I LOVED the movie after seeing it with my mom and sis, but Joel hadn't seen it yet. Stella spent the night chez Nama and Nampa. Stella and I have been doing well together this week at home. I think we're both adjusting to it. She is much more content and growing more and more attached to me, which always seems to happen when I am home with her. We try to go 1 place every day: the Y, library, store, etc...It has been nice.

Shocking news temporarily removed.

We love you all!

Rendez-vous (Appointment)

I had my 28 wks, 3 days appt this afternoon. We never seem to hit the exact day somehow. I did much better this past month with weight gain, which I was happy about. I'm one of those gain early kind of people. Some people gain little up front and tons at the end. I'm the opposite. Gabe's heartrate was 140bmp, he's head down, and I'm measuring at exactly 28 cm. My glucose test results were "awesome," and my hemoglobin count was "exceptional, especially for a pregnant person." Yah, I'm clearly not an anemic kind of person. Now I go every 2 weeks. Guess what my doc told me today that could have changed the past couple months? That when I exercise, it's totally fine for me to get my heartrate up to 160! Hello - I've been sticking at 145 per her nurse. So, I can now "step it up a notch," which is super good for me.

We had a nice weekend with Joel's parents, Indy, and Maddy. Stella was in love with Maddy, particularly because she is 6 lbs and Stella can just pick her up and carry her. Elena and I went to Manitowoc's fabric shop, which is awesome, and bought 4 accent batik fabrics to go with the map fabric. We planned out the quilt, bumper pads, bed skirt, and sheets, and have an idea about the window treatment. I know it's going to look awesome. Elena is amazing for her willingness to spend so much time, energy, and money to make Gabe's and Stella's rooms beautiful.

My mom, Stella, and I went shopping today in Appleton, which was really nice. Joel had his business plan presentation/interview this morning. He said it was "okay," because nobody gave him any social cues or feedback, which is just awkward. He should get a yes or no call by tomorrow. My mom asked if I was on pins and needles, and I said no. I totally believe in Joel, his competence, and his plan 100%. I literally think that God's up to something if they say no. I am very confident it will be a yes and Joel will move on to the next stage. We'll see. Most recently, Joel has been talking about going to Champaign, IL. He hasn't done extensive research, but there aren't a lot of agents there, and many are close to retirement. Being so close to BN, State Farm has its reputation there, it's an academic community, we know some people there, we like it there, we'd still be close to family, etc...I think Joel's going to call the AFE there to try to get some info. I'm letting Joel take the lead on this one.

Le troisième semestre (THIRD Trimester)!

28 weeks officially begins the third trimester, and yes, I can believe we're here. Gabe is ~15 inches long (like a Chinese cabbage) and weighs about 2 to 3 pounds. He is able to dream when sleeping and blink his eyes, which now sport lashes. With his eyesight developing, he may be able to see the light that filters in through my womb. The eye color has been established, but may change within the first six months after birth. We know they'll be blue, but what shade? He's now sleeping for about 20 to 30 minutes at a time. Fetal movement will be most obvious when I'm sitting or lying down. He's also developing billions of neurons in his brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world. His lungs are almost fully developed, so there's a good chance that he would survive if born prematurely (of course not anticipating this).

My uterus extends well above my navel. As baby gets bigger and stronger this month, I may experience leg cramps and mild swelling of ankles and feet, difficulty sleeping, shortness of breath, lower abdominal aches, clumsiness or scattered Braxton Hicks contractions (hardening and relaxing of the uterus). I am the cramp queen. So far this pregnancy, I've had calf, tibialis anterior, knee, ankle, foot, hip, and hand cramps. Last pregnancy, I even had elbow cramps. I eat foods with high potassium, too: meat, milk, yogurt, bananas, oranges, tomatoes, etc...I just take a potassium pill if it's particularly bad one evening. This past week, I've felt like I couldn't breathe deeply if I was leaning back or not sitting up straight. The weight of the uterus/baby must be putting pressure on the vena cava or something? I didn't have any Braxton Hicks contractions until 36 wks last time. I have my glucose test and thyroid testing this morning and my next appt Monday, 2/9. Joel also presents his business plan Monday morning. Pray for him!

This week went pretty well. I went out to coffee with a new friend, which was fun and needed. I subbed for Special Ed. Thursday at Washington, where I did the maternity leave. I was not looking forward to it. I just don't want to sub anymore, but I guess I'll just keep looking and take the jobs I find. There are never any! Stella and I are getting used to being at home. She is receiving her share of time-outs for not obeying. Dean, Elena, Indy, and their new Boston, Maddy(sp?) are coming Fri. for the weekend. That will be fun, especially to have a new puppy to play with. Hurley and Stella will really enjoy that! I'm planning to go to a women's Bible study next Tuesday at church, and they provide childcare, so that should be nice.

One of the downsides of renting is that we're not willing to invest in painting our house. We haven't really done much decorating as it is either. SO, we won't be painting Gabe's room. It would be weird to just have 1 room painted a color anyway. Elena is, however, using Stella's same fabrics to make a twin-sized quilt/sheets. We are moving Stella to our other upstairs bedroom that has built-in desks/shelves and more light. We have to buy her a bed and dresser. That way, we can leave the crib, dresser, and bookshelf in her room for Gabe to use. Here's a pic of the fabric that will be the theme of Gabe's room:My plan when I first got pregnant with Stella was to have an old-world travel theme if she was a boy. Elena remembered that and looked around and found this. Joel and I both really liked it as well as the accent colors we'll pull from it, so she ordered enough to use for the bumper pads, bed skirt, sheets, and window treatment. We need to go pick ~ 4 accent fabrics - probably batik-style - but that will likely have to wait til I go to BN. Manitowoc has 1 fabric store, and I have never been there. I also want Elena's opinion about the fabric quality. I feel like now that we're in the 3rd trimester, we really need to get some things going, which will be easier with my being home: big girl bed for Stella, switching bedrooms, potty training, getting out and setting up baby stuff, buying newborn supplies, etc...I'd also like a tour of the obstetrics unit at our hospital. It is WAY less stressful this time around. We already have so much of what we need minus clothes and diapers/wipes. No registering, no prenatal classes (which I loved), and we know what to expect. I'm aware that 2 kids will bring even more chaos and less relaxation and sleep. That will be the new experience as well as having a boy. Still weird for me to think about. I wonder what he'll look like? I'd like for him to look like Stella b/c she was and is so beautiful. I don't want him to look like me this time and have that go all wrong:) I just don't want to have an ugly kid. Then people have to lie about his being cute, and that just makes life harder. I guess we'll see...

Enceinte de 27 semaines (27 Weeks Pregnant)

This week marks the end of the second trimester. Gabe weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14 1/2 inches long with his legs extended. At 27 weeks, his length will have tripled or even quadrupled from the 12-week mark. He's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. His lungs, liver and immune system are continuing to mature — and he has been growing like a weed. While his lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if he were to be born now. If he were born this week, the chance of survival is at least 85 percent. However, serious complications are still possible. Tiny, rhythmic movements I may be feeling are baby hiccups, which may be common from now on.

So last week was "interesting," due to the fact that Joel, Stella, and I all had the stomach flu. Stella's actually not well yet. I had the flu once in 5th grade. I haven't thrown up from sickness since 5th grade. I threw up twice in my first pregnancy; once from an 11-hr train ride to Nice and once from prenatal vitamins - that's it. We are not pukers in my family. So, I didn't actually attend the last day of my maternity leave. While it did complicate some grading and grade-entering, I'm not really sad about it. I finally have things pretty well wrapped up with that, which is nice. I have to make 1 more run to give back graded papers and turn in keys.

I have been SO uncomfortable today. I feel like Gabe is just taking up every last inch of my stomach. I don't know if there's a growth spurt or bloating or what, but I'm just not happy about it. Maybe things are stretching out and will feel better soon. Joel and I attended a young professionals banquet tonight, which is part of the Chamber of Commerce here in Manitowoc. Joel has met a lot of people through this group, and I finally was able to really meet some of them tonight. I'm really excited about the last couple we met. Joel introduced me to the guy b/c they're actually having lunch tomorrow. They lived in the Chicago burbs and then Lake Geneva, so they're not home-grown, meaning they have similar perspectives. They go to the church that planted our church and have a 2 y/o girl and 4 y/o boy. They said that we should all definitely hang out, and we got another dinner invite from another couple we sat with. I was just really excited. While I get along with people easily, I would say that I'm super picky about who I really let in and trust and see as a kindred spirit. I feel like God finally said, "Okay. You're being faithful. Here's some hope and light for you," which is a tremendous thing, especially if you read last week's post:) I guess it's hard for people to live up to the trust I have in people like: Renee, Sonya, Annalea, Carolyn, etc...and that Joel has in people like: Tyler, Jesse, Jason, etc...They're just quality as were all the friends we had in BN that we had known for so long. You know who you are! Just know all of you how much we think of you and appreciate you all of the time.

My dad turns 51 Sunday and is having a bday/Superbowl party. That should be fun. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPPY!

Enceinte de 6 mois! (6 Months Pregnant)

I'm 26 weeks pregnant and will be 6 months pregnant Sunday. Gabe weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches (an English hothouse cucumber) from head to heel. He's continuing to put on baby fat. His eyebrows and eyelashes are well formed, and his hair is longer and more plentiful. Although his eyes are fully developed, they may not open for another two weeks. The network of nerves in his ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. He may now be able to hear Joel's voice, too. He's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of his lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when he's born and takes that first gulp of air. His testicles are beginning to descend into his scrotum — a trip that will take about two to three days:) Gabe's moving around so much. It's so funny to see him kicking and punching through my belly all of the time.

2 more days left of teaching, and I'm ready to be done. I met with the French teacher for a couple hrs Friday am, since we had an Institute, and it's just a good time for her to come back. We're in what many call "3rd quarter slump." The holidays are over, the weather sucks, and there's no end in sight. It'll be good for the kids to have a sort of fresh start with their original teacher. I'm not optimistic about getting a lot of sub jobs. The system they use is really weird, so unless you're well-known in the district, you don't even see/hear about the available jobs. So, I'm going to focus on having fun learning activities/crafts each day with Stella, trying to maintain my household, and preparing to pass insurance exams, all while not going crazy.

Most days here, when not distracted by work, I struggle emotionally. I really only feel good and like me when we're doing family stuff with Joel and Stella, or when I'm with my family. I don't do well being isolated and alone, yet that's not going to get any better as Joel has so much to do and I won't be working much. We're going to church, but I'm not really excited about the church per se. I love to hear the sermons, and I of course love to gain knowledge and be challenged by God, YET I am out of place here. I know a lot of you would say, "Oh, you just need to get involved." Yah, I know that biz, having been in Christiandom my entire life, BUT, we went to several things immediately hoping to get involved in small groups, and no one has come through for us. How many boxes can you check, notes can you write, and church staff can you talk to? We're disappointed. At this pt in our lives, we don't want to be going bowling with strangers; we want to connect with people on a real, deep level. I've never been into the superficial junk. Joel and I need a few people that we have soul connections with, not 20 people to talk about the weather with. Knowing that SO few people are like us here and NO ONE knows us is hard. Joel and I both fight a constant feeling of hopelessness, although circumstances are progressing (slowly) and will change. We pretty much feel that we only have each other. So that's a subtle, short version of the real deal. So, please start/continue to pray for us!

Enceinte de 25 semaines (25 Weeks Pregnant)

Head to heels, Gabe now measures about 13 1/2 inches and is still a pound and a half — not much more than an average rutabaga, but he's beginning to exchange his long, lean look for some baby fat. As he does, his wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and he'll start to look more and more like a newborn. He's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture. His hands are now fully developed, although the nerve connections to the hands have a long way to go. Exploring the structures inside my uterus may become his prime entertainment, along with hearing Fox in Socks on a daily basis (my fave book to read to Stella). I forgot to say last wk that Gabe is currently head down, but there's still room in there for him to turn around.

Joel and I spent the night in Milwaukee Monday night and were there all day Tuesday for "A Look at Agency," an all-day meeting giving TONS of info about becoming an agent - the approval process, compensation, question-answer session with 2 newer agents, and expectations. It was cool, overwhelming, stressful, and depressing all at the same time. The day showed us that we are in the perfect position to go into agency with Joel and I growing up in State Farm families in a SF-dominated town, my dad being an agent, Joel having worked for corporate, his currently working for my dad, and my getting licensed soon and eventually working for my dad. The only thing that would make it better would be being rich.

We definitely are aware of how horribly hard we'll have to work to do well the first year to be offered a contract. I am prepared (at least in knowledge) for this being the hardest year of my life thus far: having 2 children, not making much money, Joel being gone often for training, moving and knowing NO ONE, and opening a business. Never before have we needed to rely on God and have faith in His plan for us as we are needing to now. It's SO easy to get down, but we have to keep our perspectives in check. As we said when we decided to move: We believe God made us to live our lives to the fullest. I would wonder if things are always comfortable and easy, would we really be listening to God and obeying Him? We feel that this is a huge test of our faith and obedience. There is no turning back. My parents didn't raise a quitter. I've basically never quit anything in my life. Maybe it's determination, maybe it's pride - maybe both. BUT, there's no turning back. Unless we're rejected, there will be no stalling. I also refuse to live a life of fear - fear of change, fear of risk, fear of the unknown. My parents always told me that I could do or be anything. My parents moving here and starting a new business at age 40 and my sister, Renee, have been such examples of getting out of their comfort zones in order to really experience life and obey God. Renee moved to LA all by herself a year after graduating college. She took classes to become Special Ed. certified. After a few yrs of doing that, she decided to start her Master's in Counseling and is currently in her 2nd yr. I still think that there are many things people can do with their lives and still be living within God's will, BUT I think there are clear times when God is calling you to do something, and you can either ignore Him and stay with what's comfortable out of fear, OR you can trust His omnipotence and plan for your life, no matter how hard it may be along the way. In summary, no matter how many tears we may shed out of loneliness, stress, and fear, we ultimately do not think that God will have led us this far for nothing. We know God will not desert us.

Here's what the process is looking like for us: Joel turned in his autobiography last week. We have to have a financial analysis done to make sure that we are financially ready to do this. It requires a potential $20-30,000 of investment. He has to create a business plan to present to a panel in a couple weeks (2/9). He'll meet with a couple AFEs (Area Field Executives) to discuss it first. He'll have an official interview at the end of February. Then, he'll know if he's approved and in the pool. We'll then have access to current openings across the country, which will help us decide where we want to live. Then, training would start shortly thereafter. Because Joel is already licensed and working in an agent's office, his training will likely be shorter, so we don't know exactly what that will look like. We do know that most trainee agents are appointed Jan 1 or Aug 1, and sometimes Apr 1. It depends mainly on when the agent is retiring. I think we've decided (more Joel) that we'll probably be staying in the mid west in order to be closer to family, but we'd like to be in a warmer climate than WI (FOR SURE) and central IL. We've been thinking about the St. Louis suburbs, but we need to do a lot more research.

I only have 1 wk, 2 days left of the maternity leave. It feels like I've been there a LONG time. I have my insurance classes 2/17-2/20 and then 3/17-3/20. It's recommended to test w/in 10 days of taking the classes, so that time period probably won't be fun. I hope Joel'll be ready to be the teacher. He'll probably enjoy being able to teach me what he knows when I'm forced to be a captive audience:)

Please pray for us as we continue this journey of having 2 children and starting a business!